DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
