Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
