I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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