Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
