Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
