I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
