oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
