my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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