I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So much rum. So many feels.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
