You're my little dorito
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
