He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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