I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
