tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
