I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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