she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
