what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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