yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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