how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
