thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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