I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
