Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
