I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
