Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
