Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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