This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
