To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
