ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
