i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
