Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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