I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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