mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It's blow job season.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
