Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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