Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I don't deserve a penis
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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