it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
