oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
