Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
People in love make me want to vomit
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
