i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
