I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
