It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
