I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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