i permit you to call me
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
