Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
