Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
