billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Randomize