I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
