I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
