I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
