Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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