I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
