Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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