I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
