Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
