I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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