he thought i was a dude.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
