I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
